The Presidential debates may have harmed, irrevocably, your health (10/20/00)
No, we're not talking about your mental health - although there is certainly a good case to be made for that - it is your physical health we speak of here. According to the most recent issue of The Journal of the American Medical Association, both males and females who watched all three of the Presidential debates are much more likely to suffer from narcolepsy and diseases of the central nervous system. Those more rational citizens who watched the baseball playoffs suffered no such symptoms. Moreover the life expectancy of the baseball viewers is expected to be considerably longer and fuller than the dullards who tune in to Jim Lehrer no matter what he's up to. The AMA study was a broad one, 2,376,001 subjects. All states were included in this research except West Virginia. You may learn more about this study by logging on to; iwatchedandi'msorryashell.com. The Scowler provides this information as a public service and the possibility of securing a tax deduction.
(06/2001)
Mr. Charlton Heston who has not made a new
movie in 81 years plans to appear in a starring role as a neurosurgeon
in the tentatively titled, "OOPS". In this film, Mr.
Heston as F.U. Cupp, M.D. operates on the wrong side of a patient's
brain proving once and for all that the surgical scalpel can be
just as lethal as a hand gun.
Barry Sanders, the wondrous Detroit Lions running back, who did
not play last season, has finally revealed the real reason behind
his sudden retirement. It was not that he wanted more money or
that he tried to force a trade to a Super Bowl contender. The
reason was that Barry was afflicted with Slippery Elm Syndrome.
This affliction caused him to lose his bark. A running back without
his bark? I needn't tell you the consequences of that.
More fallout from last year's presidential election (10/20/01)
It has been reliably reported that health authorities in Palm Beach County, Florida are studying a possible connection between the outbreak of cases of anthrax recently and the hanging chads on last November's presidential ballots. As soon as we have anything more on this we will report it to you promptly.
Insurance companies: "it's not a good business but we'll do whatever we have to to stay in it." (11/17/01)
In a little noted referendum held in Portland, Maine on election day this month, the voters approved an advisory measure providing for one health care provider - the state. Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield spent well over $300,000 in attempting to defeat this measure even though it was not binding on Portland or anyplace else in Maine. They ran TV ads similar to the Harry and Louise ads that had been so effective against Hillary Clinton's health care plan in the first Bubba administration. The proponents spent all of $25,000 on the campaign. Despite the spending disparities, the good guys won!
The technique of the insurance industry is to lament about government "bureaucracy". Never a mention about the patently inefficient insurance bureaucracy.