The Scowler has been flooded with questions concerning the healing process of the Mohs surgery on his battered nose in early January. Actually, no one has inquired but I always wanted to say that I had been flooded with requests, inquiries etc.
You may recall, and even if you don't, I went to a Mohs surgeon to have a skin cancer excised (gouged) which required a visit the following day to a plastic surgeon for a skin graft. (If you are still so ignorant that you don't know what Mohs surgery is, please look at our Health entry for early January). Prior to these operations I had visited each of these knife wielders to discuss what was involved. One of the questions I had raised was would I be able to blow my nose after these procedures? Both of these physicians assured me I would be able to do so. Clear nasal passages have been extremely important to the Scowler over the years right up there with booze and baseball.
Actually, the Mohs guy (Digger O'Dell) said that there should be no drinking for seven days prior to the surgery. Hearing my audible gasp, he explained that alcohol is a blood thinner and he didn't want any excessive bleeding. I gave him three days which I thought was pretty good. As it turned out, I only bled six or seven quarts but that included the skin graft the next day.
As I was leaving the Mohs offices which featured a waiting room crowded with people with Irish names with bandages all over their faces, I again asked about blowing my nose, just to be sure. "Oh, for God's sake don't blow your nose!" So I spent a congested night and banked on a more sensible reaction from the plastic guy.
The next day, after the little Vietnamese nurse had finished mopping up the blood from behind my ear, "You have rots of brod back hele Mistel Scowrel, ha, ha", I was free to go. Surgeon Spike, his back turned, was having some difficulty removing his supposedly sterile plastic gloves, "Lan, help me, urp, get these damn sterile plastic gloves off my, urp, damned hands." "Sully, Doctol Pangross." "By the way Duke, (I had suggested he call me 'Duke') whatever you do, don't blow your nose for a couple of weeks," "A couple of weeks?" "Yeah, we don't, urp, want to produce any more bleeding, we want the, urp, wound, I mean, affected area to, urp, clot."
This procedure was done in an operating room in the doctor's office and when I went out through the reception area to leave, the receptionist took one look at the huge bandages over my nose and ear and burst out laughing. I said, "Thanks a lot, Naomi."
Now, it's about two months later and the bandages are all history and I'm back to blowing my nose a normal 34 times a day. The nose doesn't look too bad, at least that's what everyone says. When I take a close look in the mirror, I think it looks like I've been in the ring with Mike Tyson, my nose looks something like Evander Holyfield's ear.